Period: WAKE UP ASSHOLE, YOU GOT CRAMPS.
Period: How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast?
Period: How's that back pain? Feeling better? Let's fix that.
Period: Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it.
Period: Where's your Tic Tac box filled with ibuprofen?
Period: Got things to do? Don't care. Sleep.
Period: For dinner you're eating an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Period: Breeze blows by. Instantly horny.
Period: You didn't like those brand new underwear right?
Period: Yell at a puppy.
physicalvocalist: fallen-angel-in-the-tardis: lembas-and-cram: concernedresidentofbakerstreet: rendezvousramen: addictedtopunsandpizza: macaronivevo: jesuschristvevo: is it data or data is it route or route is it caramel or caramel is it either or either is it read or read is it lead or lead Maybe its Maybelline I hate how any English speaker knows exactly what’s...
christoph-waltzed: I remember in year 2 there was a girl who had literally never had a haircut so her hair was ridiculously long [imagine Rapunzel basically] and she always complained about it but her mum wouldn’t let her get it cut So one day at recess she put an entire pack of chewed gum in her hair at the exact length she wanted it cut to. She came in the next day with her hair cut how she...
thecapn: did you know that teachers are instructed to get in between two boys in an altercation and break their eye contact because boys will disengage once the immediate situation is interrupted but they’re instructed to like never ever get in between two girls in a fight because girls wont stop after they lose sight and will actively try to go through whatever’s in between them and teachers...
brbjellyfishing: What if crazy Steve killed drake, josh and their parents, kidnapped Megan and took her to Seattle, forced her to call herself Carly, and made her pretend she was his little sister
my-name-is-hilarious: theyahoostaff: yourfriendthecrow: I don’t know bout y’all, but the Yahoo staff are fucking HILARIOUS We are not fucking HILARIOUS HILARIOUS COME HERE AND TELL THEM THAT WE ARE NOT FUCKING theyahoostaff and i are just friends gOD
peevesies: i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life
burgrs: i thought i left my ipod in the theater so we went back to look for it and i couldn’t see so i turned on my ipod to give me some light so i could find my ipod do u see where this is goin g because i did not
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
arnazingphil: imdonebye: hop-onmytardis: imdonebye: i’m skyping with a cute boy help ACT NATURAL I SACRIFICED HIM TO THE MAYAN GODS WAS THAT NATURAL ENOUGH that was super natural
thehawklegacy: If you ever see me with a shirt on of a show, movie or whatever on it that you love too you have the right to sit your ass down in front of me and start talking my public representation of my fandoms is an invitation to come and talk to me about it
Reblog if you've ever yelled at a book.
the-fandoms-are-cool: allyson-wonderlnd: kripke-is-my-king: professionalcrazyfangirl: polerin: cannibalcoalition: afoxnamedtod: Are there people who don’t reblog this? I can only assume that the ones who haven’t aren’t reading the right books. FUCKING BOOKS. If it doesn’t make you mad, it’s not good enough. I will never trust pink again
dean-tacos-cas: spookapple: jackvessalius: look what we have here i have legitimately never laughed harder and for as long in my entire life
overhearing a conversation between strangers in which they’re saying something completely wrong and you really feel like correcting them
littlemixbutts: bodenniss: littlemixbutts: i wish i was a mermaid so i could have a nice shiny tail and a pretty seashell bra and a beautiful voice that i could use to entice cute boys and make them crash their ships and drown at sea so human women could rise as the dominate gender of the land well that escalated quickly paige i’m a lesbian why would i entice cute boys where did you...
Blueberries piss me the fuck off
all1sees: They’re BLUE. but mashed, they’re PURPLE?? AND WHEN SKINNED, WE SEE THE INSIDES ARE GREEN????? WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK, BLUEBERRIES?!
greatwhiteprivilege: don’t pretend to like me if you don’t don’t pretend to be my friend if you don’t like me don’t pretend you miss me if you don’t don’t don’t don’t
madeofbutts: *in a haunted house* *walls start bleeding and spell ６ ６ ６* *pulls out sharpie and makes it ６9 ６9 ６9*
largebeard: foodchewer: *hides good snacks from family members*